Yes, her. The one that crossed your mind as soon as you read this.

What. A. Whore.

You probably can’t help it and refer to her as such even if you’re not typically the type of woman who talks like that. Words have the power you see and when you’re feeling powerless, you’ll grasp at anything that might give you a spark even if it’s only for a moment.

Main Chick

On this particular day, it’s taking a lot of your self-control not to cut a bitch. You wouldn’t be here if he gave you a straight answer. But he didn’t. What was it he said, “she’s just a friend, no one special” then continued to sip the tea you made him.

But you had already noticed how stiff his body had been, how he almost choked before he cleared his throat and said “…just a friend…” in that manly voice. Thinking of it now, as you take a seat opposite the other woman you realize that within every lie there exists its opposite – the truth. There is nothing special about her. She is just a regular plain Jane like you.

You almost change your mind and head back home to your man. But you have to stay. Did you waste your data and time to find out EVERYTHING about her only to chicken out? You need to see this through, you tell yourself.

You had the option to pick a fight with your man. Attack him with all the evidence you had garnered against him, thanks to your stellar stalking game. But instead, what did you do? You smiled, that fake smile that you usually reserve for boring guys who think they are funny. Yes, that one. Then you went ahead and said, “ooh, okay”. Men this is the type of woman you need to steer clear from, this one might kill you in your sleep. Let’s be honest, she didn’t believe you. In fact your answer never actually mattered, she already knew. The thing with us women is that we are like lawyers we only ask questions we know the answers to.

When the waiter comes you order a glass of white wine and you watch the woman seated opposite you give you blank stares not fully understanding why you chose that specific spot whereas the bar was full of so many empty booths. She is probably even questioning your sexuality so to speak. But you don’t give a fvck about her. Okay, maybe you do. That’s why you are here. You desperately need to understand her allure.

What kind of white? The waiter asks, and you have no idea, really- how can you remember the names of reds or whites or which part of the name you’re supposed to say out loud when you’re Aaaargh…. So you just say, House. Angry. That’s the word. You’re angry that your man is seeing this thing. This side chick.

First of all, let’s clear the air…

There is no such thing as the main chick. If there is more than one involved, then both y’all are the other woman. One piece is just more valuable than the other.

Side Chick

It is easy to say with conviction that cheating should never happen. Accepting why and when it often does is what remains as a challenge. Feeling relieved? Don’t waste your breath. This doesn’t make being a side chick okay. Wake up and smell the coffee sweetheart!

You are the ‘kachumbari’ a man demands when he buys some Mutura from the local Mutura guy just because he is greedy and on his fat boy flow.

You are neither the beef nor the chili cause they constitute the Mutura. Mademoiselle, you are just the side chick.

If you don’t understand what that means let me be a darling and break it down for you.

1. You lack the “it” factor

Ever wonder why he is content with keeping you on the side, Lurking in the shadows? How you are good enough to be with him but not enough to be seen with him. The answer is simple. You lack “it”. I don’t think there is a generally accepted definition of what “it” is. Most men define it differently. Let’s just say he doesn’t think highly of you.

2. The main chick is busy, that’s why he called

You wonder, however, why a guy who has found the “it” factor in his main would want a side chick? Er…Greed and something called the 80/20 theory. The theory claims you only get 80% of what you crave from your partner. The other 20% you either live without or you outsource.

So what does a greedy guy who wants attention do? He gets himself some side action.

3. You will never be his Main

Somewhere within your mind exists a fantasy world in which your love interest falls in love and leaves his significant other to be with you. Giirl, for one you are an extra-curricular activity in his life. Even if he does separate from his main, he’ll probably find another to replace her as you continue to occupy your role on the side. Dear side chicks, why do you not understand? Men will tell you whatever you want to hear in order to keep you spreading and most times these words pale in comparison to the truth.

4. You’re are just a plain Jane

He will love you on the side and make you feel all secure and uber special. We are in the era of multitasking sis, you are far from special consider yourself adequately managed.

The other woman

After your second glass, you have thought about your “other woman” situation. You are not exactly happy about the other woman but after meeting her and saying nothing, you know better. Even as you’re compelled by you lady instincts to the “we need to talk” you are rational enough to know there is nothing to discuss concerning this topic. Things are the way they are.

You have two options to leave or to stay. If your relationship is salvageable and subsequently decide to stay, I need you to know that no one expects you to consider the other woman’s feelings, in this case, the side chick, or place them above your own. Not even for a second. Ignore her for all we care. She chose her path, let karma run its course.