The famous Shisha ban in Kenya was all for the best. As everyone keeps trying to convince me, who am I? I’ll let you in on that secret in a few.
“No person shall import, manufacture, sell, offer for sale, use or advertise shisha in Kenya,” as published in the Kenya Gazette late December 2017.
I must say I have a begrudging respect for Alpha females- the real ones and even the fake ones-slay queens, who only have fleeting moments of glory.
I admire their guts to say the least. Especially slay queens; they have these super powers that help them ignore public and social media attacks. Their yellow yellow acne free skin, lips with the perfect pout for the camera. Breasts that are pert and sag free, flat tummies and behinds that have the right bump.
In some rare cases, these looks can be gifts of nature. Yet where nature fails, one can allow intervention and purchase a few pills to make them yellow yellow. I hear these pills are magical. They even led to the “New Year new me” slay queen slogan a few years prior. Back when shisha was legal, back when all they had to do for a flat tummy was smoke. No, I’m not joking.
How Cannabis gives you a flat tummy
Turns out, the active components of Cannabis kicks your metabolism into overdrive. Cannabis, weed, marijuana whatever you call it, personally I prefer the term herb. Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) stimulates “the hunger hormone” Jamaicans would know better while this sneaky little compound drives you to eat, ghrelin (let’s get geeky) also plays a vital role in helping our bodies break down and metabolize carbohydrates. In English, herb gets you a flat tummy as soon as possible.
Where does shisha fit in this puzzle? Back when shisha was legal slay queens could easily puff and pass without raising alarm. I mean all that smoke from the shisha pots you would hardly tell the difference between smoke from cannabis and that from shisha unless of course you are “gang gang”. Shisha was like that decoy in horror movies used to distract and send the villain in the opposite direction while the rest of the team escapes. In most cases, it doesn’t end well with the decoy.
Shisha ban had a lot of effects to the society. Its ban however, gravely affected the slay queen more. The ban meant there were no more life hacks to a trim tummy, no more decoy for cannabis, no more zones for slay queens to fish for rich boys. Real men didn’t need decoys. Real men didn’t hang around slay queens either, just boys, the ones who felt the need to hide behind a decoy.
Shisha according to the World Health Organization (WHO) includes, tobacco products that may be flavoured or non-flavoured that are consumed using a single or multi-stemmed smoking instrument that contains water or other liquids through which the smoke passes before reaching the smoker and whose syrup tobacco content includes molasses, honey, vegetable and other legal ingredients. Boring.
Following the ban, shisha, a final product of very legal ingredients would result in dire consequences. How ironic. Those who flout the rules would be forced to pay a fine not exceeding KSH 50,000 or imprisonment of not more than 6months or both in the worst case scenario.
Shisha Ban
“We are contemplating banning shisha…” Health cabinet secretary Cleopa Mailu said, right before he imposed the ban. God bless his soul.
Fact: Mailu exercised his powers under section 36(m) of the public health to ban the use thereof and sale of shisha in Kenya. Did the cabinet secretary consult with the Attorney General before his bold move? Whether protocol was observed remains to be a question to many.
Active shisha smokers may take 50 to 200 puffs which range about 0.15 to 1 litre of smoke each. Yes yes, I know. This is somewhat dangerous and life-threatening. But do you intend on living forever? I thought so.
I don’t care much about the shisha and you shouldn’t either unless maybe you aspire to be a slay queen, and you’ll probably need photos of you having a moment with the shisha pot. However, in my humble opinion, Kenya is once again playing catch up with Rwanda by imposing a ban on shisha. The shisha ban seems more of a PR exercise in the political arena.
I mean look at the timing- how can anyone ban such money making, fun inducing, inhibition- releasing catalyst one day before the biggest party weekend of the year.
Folks like us, folks who know where the money at, alpha females, suffered greatly. Billions were lost in a weekend. For a decision with such weight and effect, a notice and a grace period would have been necessary and courteous, to say the least.
But what do I say? God bless Kenya.
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