Do me a favour. Before you start to read this article, ask yourself this question, is my vagina happy❓ Take a minute to think about it.

I know they say happy wife happy life but they should have included a clause next to it saying happy vagina happy life. If you’ve ever had a UTI, a yeast infection or odour, you can attest to my self made quote. I’ve had the displeasure of having UTIs and yeast infections a couple of times and weeeeeh😟.

Thankfully, I’ve never experienced an STI but I hear it’s crazy from a friend who opened up about it over some blunts and ice cream. ( universe I’m not tempting you since you clearly have it out for me of late 🙄).

Point is, to have a healthy, tight, clean, sweet-smelling, men ensnaring, coochie is everything. Especially if you consider just how powerful the pussy can be. Using it dynasties have fallen and queendoms have risen. Don’t believe me? Google Cleopatra. So now imagine just how happy a happy vagina can make you.

New Vagina Related Discoveries

Today, during my morning routine of scrolling through Instagram, I discovered a page called my happy vagina. I was taken back at how little I knew about making my vagina happy. Turns out there are tonnes of stuff you can do and products you can use on your vagina to make it not only the item of any man’s obsession but also healthy.

Technically we were raised up knowing the only thing you should put on your vagina is water since it’s self cleansing and other products could alter the pH leading to infections and shit. So I was a bit confused😕.

I mean I have friends who put garlic in there. I’ve once contemplated putting an ice cube in there after a riveting discussion with friends who were doing the same.

But that’s about it. Then I find out there are eggs and pearls that should be inserted in your vagina to detox it and make it tighter. 🤯

And aty there are wipes made specifically for your coochie. Goodbye towels and dirty laundry we use to wipe off cum after a nigga amecheza ka yeye. Additionally, there’s coochie soap that makes it smell so good whoever is down there will wanna sniff it for hours.

Do you know what that means?! More confidence and more minutes of head, not the occasional 5 minutes they usually take to prove how woke and capable they are. Tsk.

My interest piqued when I got a post-marketing some of their products as having healing properties. At number 2 was that their yoni pearls could get rid of cysts which is a condition I have. Cysts are solid or fluid-filled sacs or pockets (cyst) within or on the surface of an ovary.

As a result, I get my periods nonstop. As in naezanyesha every single day of my life until menopause if I don’t swallow family planning pills which help with regulating my hormones. It sucks. Trust me. Especially since I have bad cramps.

I’ve been to several doctors and apparently there’s no cure, they can only be surgically removed. After watching too many health series and seeing how doctors botch patients, I decided that would be the last resort. And so my family embarked on a journey to find unconventional cures for the condition. I’ve tried a couple of drugs from BF Suma and the like. They were really expensive but proved unhelpful.

I’m currently trying dawa ya kienyeji😂😅ik. And as I’m clicking like on that picture I’m like okay, maybe all is not lost, we need to follow this page and then go through it, all 1396 posts. Thank God for social distancing.

The Journey To Making My Va-jay-jay Happy

Currently, I’m at a good place with my vagina. With the exception of them cysts. ( In Nadia’s voice: Hatuna madrama Huku kwetu, tu napendana kikwetu.) We got a beauty routineand we work out. Plus we’ve got a man to tend to our needs. We are clean and healthy. We smell good.

Occasionally we give each other sensual pleasure courtesy of pornhub and xvideos mostly. I mean I’m yet to take pics of it or insert things. It could definitely use some toys. But so far so good. We’ve come a long way.

I say so because growing up, I knew very little about vaginas. I think my mum is a bit too culturally conservative. If my memory serves me right, the only time the topic regarding my vagina has ever come up is when she found an empty box of P2 in my room. I hadn’t even lost my virginity but the guy who was trying to do it had cum on top and all over my coochie so just to be safe he bought me the P2.

You’d expect since I was only 17, she would be furious. Her response was short. Ujue hii dawa inazuia mimba but haizuii ukimwi. She then walked out and that was the first and last conversation we ever had about sex or vaginas.

I learnt how to clean my pussy and how to change pads in primary school. And there we were told the coochie should be wiped separately from the a**hole. So I would divide the tissue into two. The first I’d use to wipe my coochie in an upwards movement and the other I’d use to wipe the latter. Uuurgh🤢🤮 disgusting ik 🤣🤣🤣. Work hard and be a blogger like me so you can be able to tell people about how you wipe😂😂 ).

I don’t have any valuable vagina lesson from my high school days surprisingly except for how to shave and even that was wrong as I later found out. In campus I learnt you should actually wipe from the top of your coochie downwards to the A-hole.

I also learned you should have a separate soft cloth for cleaning your vagina and there’s a hoodie to be pulled down and labias to be widened with two fingers in the process. I also learned how to do kegel exercises and what foods to eat before going to see le bae. It’s been a beautiful learning curve so far.

I’m currently broke but when I get my shit in order I’m definitely shopping some of their products. In the meantime though, I’ll pose a question to you, my lovely unstoppable females, is your vagina happy? Also, could you share what you do to make your vagina happy, clean, fresh, and tight in the comment section? Let’s learn from each other. 😂