Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and bon nuit wherever you are!
Coming right Here at you with my big dick energy, apologies for my French but ain’t God good! (Squeals a hallelujah to myself). I have been saved from the jaws of self-pity, wallowing in sadness and most importantly…heartbreak.

Here we go, I met this human back in November 2015. We just broke up recently this 2018, mid-year to be exact. For me to get where my writers’ block has been uncurtained is just everything. An Amen would suffice.

Ever wondered how to get over someone under three months, no gives or takes? Well, your godmother of “all things feelings” is here, and ready to break it down for you with the been there done that hullabaloo. This definitely worked for me so crossing fingers that it will be like an SI unit for this situation because don’t we all need it.

The Big Bang

First things first, come to the onset of the heartbreak that had been brewing for a year now. You know the constant cheating , lies and being demeaned. Nonetheless I stayed there because ‘love doesn’t give up and forgives all wrongs’ shenanigans or maybe the most common stereotype of the century that toxic people have the best sex-game yet?

Yeah. I wasn’t the exception of the poor maidens who before me stayed where they weren’t happy .

I wish I left earlier but when I did, I couldn’t wait to go back already having forgotten that I’d just been left for someone else. Yeah, crazy stupid love. I wanted him back more than I did when I was with him. It’d kill me every day having to recount to my friends how I thought he loved me etc… Self-pity. I have never felt not enough for anyone than I did at that moment. It’s that inadequacy that makes life not worth living, I ended up losing my job because I just couldn’t focus. I think of the power I gave a man who had no mind for me whatsoever and I honestly struggle in forgiving myself.

Back to our Big Bang theory shall we…

There was this day I’d gone out clubbing with my girls, they honestly just wanted to cheer me up…we call ourselves ‘the bold type’ and if you have watched the series you definitely understand the dynamics of such a friendship; It’s full on sisterhood among great women and I sure consider myself one.

On this night I remember breaking down in the middle of the club and having my 3 out of 4 friends hold me in the middle of the dancing floor. I crumbled as they all told me it’s okay to finally break down. There goes step one. Find friends who are willing to support you through it and allow yourself to break down when you have to… And when it comes, ball it out!!! I hadn’t broken down before and when I did it came with such a relief I’d been longing for, for a while.

After that night, I went down a dark path, tearing in the most awkward of places, if you aren’t a crier like me you definitely understand how annoying this can be. But I let myself feel every single pain and heart-wrenching emotion that got thrown my way.

To be honest, I think this is super important… Letting yourself feel and burn whole in that moment because only then will letting go and not going back to what broke you come in. Today I remember how Bad I’d have it and I swear on my last hair strand, I do not ever want to go back to feeling that way ever again. So feel…very important.

In the middle of all this, I was still communicating with my ex. I was so afraid of letting go that the mere thought of it, made me break down. I was a wreck. We had been together for close to two & a half years and I had no idea how I’d start my life over again without them. On this unfortunate day, I woke up the heartbreak still fresh (if it was even possible ) and I just decided enough was enough. I cut ties with them… Deleted their number and blocked them on every social media platform. It hit me that I couldn’t be in touch with him because at the end of the day, we are still not together, I got hurt…mainly from my own expectations. It’s really important to cut ties, probably the hardest thing to do but this was the most effective thing I did.

I probably cried about missing them more than thrice but I had to talk myself out of texting and calling because, well, there was nothing left for me..and accepting that probably set the tone for my moving on.
Then comes the way the universe just helps you move on, this you have no control over. On my part Karma did me a good one and I had the last laugh so hurrah to the gods of the cupids. And the other thing is getting to hear things from the outside sources on what they said or did behind your back .And you deciding by yourself that this isn’t the person you want anymore.

It’ll probably break you some more but it kind of solidifies your decision
Once you’ve gotten over that heartbreak, or it’s pangs no longer bite as hard…the bitterness goes and the journey to realising your self worth starts.

Once again and there is no better feeling than knowing you have your control back and for this you have to be patient and gentle with yourself, constantly reminding yourself that you are human and there was nothing wrong with loving him the way you did. Accept the times you messed up, forgive yourself and carry on.

I still love him, unfortunately, and you probably will too after all is said and done. But however, never ever go back to what broke you.

Ps: let there be a Bang when you leave, almost as significant as when he broke your heart. Infact, let there be a Big Bang. ~Buckets & Shovels