I’m not the type that knew they wanted to write from an early age. I didn’t even nurture it.

My first attempt at writing was in the few pages of my diary, an old book dated 2008 despite the fact I was putting it to use in 2010. I remember it was one of those family secrets, which aren’t really secrets but for some reason shouldn’t be aired out publicly. I needed an outlet, desperate I tried running but my frail legs could only run so fast.

Eventually, I decided to put pen to paper. Giving the nitty-gritty details of our so-called family secrets and a bunch of other silly things (wedding goals). It wasn’t a surprise to find the pages torn.

Pain you see, is like the sea. It’s a moving thing but still and all, it takes shape from the shore it meets and it’s different from every snore. There are times when the world gets heavy. Sleepless nights? I’ve had way too many. But every single time I’ve put pen on paper literally, I feel everything and nothing all at once. My soul doesn’t reach out for anything, nor do the things of the world reach inside to disturb my calm.

You have to be brave to write, putting your flaws out there for the world to see and probably judge. These little musty bitches never forget to run their mouths.

I wrote because there was something in my eyes, a sadness I found inexplicable in the pretty woman that stared back at me in a mirror. Compulsive sadness (that’s what I’ve heard people call it). No. I wasn’t depressed. Please, don’t be nasty. I’m sure depression can find some other people with more reason than me and waste their time.

What started as a temporary fix became a permanent decision; a need to write. Am I happy? Most times yes. Why do I write as I do? I have a gift for inventing and piecing my deepest and darkest thoughts like a puzzle to paint a picture of a tortured soul despite living what others would call a ‘good life’. Writing made me realize, pain can be beautiful. That life isn’t really that serious even when it is. We tend to make it hard. The sun rises. The sunsets. We don’t need to complicate the process.