I have not written in a while due to lack of inspiration, something that I realized is a pathetic excuse to procrastinate because inspiration is all around us and all we have to do is notice it. So, I woke up this morning with a massive erection which I took notice of and decided to use it as inspiration to write (something that I love doing) other than rub one off (something that I also love doing).

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not going to describe or talk about my boner. Instead I am just going to spill my guts out about sex, dry spell and how we are horny and somewhat miserable because of it all. However, I will not start this article by asking you what sex is as I see neither the need to make you reflect on it nor am I going to describe some romantic ordeal that has sensual touching and kissing because I am not that romantic so rest assured there won’t be any twilight saga shit.

When I was in lower primary school I was really stupid. A girl wrote me a letter once and in which she explained in detail her love for me. She expressed how she’d want nothing more than to just be my girl. I took the letter to the class teacher and she was flogged . The letter was then read in front of the whole class much to her humiliation. She fucking hated me from then on but I didn’t give a shit. All I cared about was marbles and how nataka break time ifike mbio nikacheze bano.

Looking back I wish I hadn’t done that to her . She was just a young girl who had feelings she couldn’t quite explain . I have to admit that she was really confident . Such acts of confidence should have been rewarded but instead she ended up miserable because of it. I just hope she doesn’t have any confidence issues right now and that the ordeal made her stronger.

She won’t be that worse off though because society has placed the burden of initiating contact with a romantic interest on the boy child. Which is fucking unfair if you ask me. It’s us guys who have to be confident and have all the necessary social skills in order to get laid. A friend of mine came to me and told me that he has been visiting this girl for over three months now and he doesn’t know how to make a move. This is because his relationship with the girl has stagnated on topics about lectures, memes and family.

I said to him, “Bro, next time you are with her and she is talking about her Monday lectures or her deceased aunt, wait for this moment, this short break between her sentences where she will meet your eyes with hers, when that happens you should kiss her.”

He was a little hesitant with carrying out the whole idea . I told him that women find confidence attractive and that we can’t allow ourselves to be ruled by fear. It sounded like good advice and I was sure nothing could go wrong.

The next time I met up with my friend he told me that on the day he was to visit the girl he fancied he smoked a shit load of weed to boost his confidence, he then went to her place and as she was talking he decided to go for the kill. However, he panicked halfway through and instead of kissing her he pecked her cheek. There was an uncomfortable silence that ensured . He made it worse by trying to kiss the already startled girl again. She freaked out and flung a sufuria at him and he ran away. He lost that day, if you’re reading this and you are a man you’re obligated to honor him with a moment of silence before reading the next paragraph.

Would my advice have worked if he had followed it to the latter? Maybe, maybe not. Coming up with a formula that will enable you to understand a woman is equivalent to looking for her clit. Sometimes you will find it sometimes you won’t.

Women are different, I once dated two girls at the same time (don’t judge me) . Those girls are the reason I do not date multiple people at the same time anymore. See, I wear spectacles because I am blind as bat. I can’t see shit without my glasses and quite frankly I am offended by people who wear fake glasses as a form of swagger. I mean, it is like walking around while swinging a bunch of crutches because you look cool doing it. How do you think someone crippled would feel when they see you doing that?

Anyway, one of those girls had a fetish for guys with glasses . She would give me a booty call and order me not to forget my glasses when I came over. The other girl hated seeing me in glasses . She’d tell me to leave them behind whenever she booty called me something that I thought weird . Since she technically preferred me blind. I often got confused at times and left my glasses home when visiting the former and then I’d wear my spectacles while visiting the latter . This resulted to chaos and it inevitably led to me getting caught.

After I got caught ,the dry spell period ensued. I hate the dry spell period more than I hate people who wear fake spectacles. The dry spell isn’t something that can easily be ignored , because I am a young adult male at the peak of my sexuality. I am horny, a lot. If there is nobody to help me quench my lustrous desires all the dry spell does is just spell out how horny I am. It just makes me realize how much of a primate I indeed am. The oddest of things will turn me on. There was this one time when this girl who’s a friend of mine ran her hand through my hair and said “You have so much hair.” . I started breathing like a fucking leaf blower while maintaining eye contact and I ‘d just feel my boner grow with every stroke of my hair.

Not everybody suffers under the dry-spell. I knew a guy who was anti-social while growing up. He didn’t see the need to interact with society until he became of age . One day he saw a chick swaying her hips past his front gate and he realized that he wants to bang her. But how would he do it? This isn’t the stone-age where you just smash the head of the girl you want to bang with a club then you drag her unconscious body to your cave where you mate with her for life, nope.

We’ve evolved from that rape-y nature and in so doing we require communication skills. We also need the ability to socialize in order to probably – maybe – get laid. I admire the guy due to his patience. He knew his anti-social nature didn’t favor his chances . So he decided to take matters into his own hands . He opted to befriend all types of lotions, and decided to beat his meat until the day some damsel will take pity him enough to let him smash.

I enjoyed playing with marbles as a kid .This is since the rules were easy. You win a marble when you win and you lose a marble when you lose. With the whole sex escapades involving dry spells, boners and emotional – if not mental pain, it is difficult to have a definite way of handling it all. However, you don’t have to look for a way to handle it. Just be you and the rest will figure itself out.

By Theezy